Much exhaust. Very tired.
Hey everyone. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was just TOO EXHAUSTED. I had my first solo pass! I wasn't really initially very excited for it at all. I was pretty nervous and kind of went into it like "well I'm definitely going to screw something up." Overall, it was hard. I did more walking than I wanted to. I wanted to abort mission 5 minutes in. And I was so exhausted that today all I could really do was sleep. However, it was $1 Friday at my favorite thrift shop so I got some INCREDIBLE clothes (8 pounds) for 8 dollars. So yeah, I am just wicked tired today. I do want to add though, I had really good muffins at breakfast today, they were like apple crumble kind of and omg they were good. I enjoyed them! I really did! How great is that. For the first time in so so long, I enjoyed something related to food. Since it was a weekend we didn't really have any groups or much structure to our day, so like I said. I mainly napped and rested my body from my pass yesterday. I didn't go on outing because I knew it wouldn't benefit me-- even though my eating disorder brain was like "go! exercise! walking!" I was being rational and was all, nope. You gotta rest. Especially because I have a 4.5 hour pass into Boston with my family tomorrow which I think will go well! Tonight I made funny treatment memes of my dog and hung them up around the unit. After evening snack, me and my roommates and my another patient and the three RC's that are working tonight went around and looked at them and we were all laughing SO HARD at them. And in that moment it felt so real and so good. In that moment I didn't feel sick, I didn't feel like I was in treatment. I felt like I was with friends and I was laughing. I felt normal. Sure, there were some downs today, but ultimately it was good. Today was a success. Today I had urges but I fought them and won. Today I did what I needed to do and tomorrow, I will do that, too. Happy Caturday all, today was an 8/10.