Down, then up.

So I am VERY grateful for my family as of right now. Friday suddenly became a very hard day after work. I wanted a pastry that I love and I just couldn't do it. So here I am, walking down the street calling myself a "stupid fucking bitch" because I thought I'd be able to get a pastry when I couldn't. I literally started sobbing in the middle of Goodwill and I was just trying to hug the stuffed animals I looked like a literal freak thankfully there weren't a lot of people there. I wanted my dog. I wanted my mom. I was feeling very lonely. I'm stressed out about sweetgreen opening and I'm stressed out about not having enough money and about my schedule not being out yet and working in appointments. I wanted to hug my dogs, and my mom. I want to eat food like a normal person and not cry about it, and then when I can't I don't want to tell myself I'm a "stupid fucking bitch" for thinking I'd be able to. So I was having a little conniption. I left my mom a voicemail of my basically sobbing. She paid for me for a train ticket to come home last night and today. It was the best thing I did. It was relaxing and I felt like it was a nice "therapeutic home visit" although home can sometimes make thingns harder, especially in the eating disorder realm, it is home after all. And my brother was there, my dogs, my mom. It was cozy, we all shared laughs and love. It was very needed.  I'm so blessed to have a mother who was able to support that, and who I get to see in another week! (P. S. I'm going to try to start updating 3x a week now) but yeah, so tomorrow back to normal life and the nutritionist, and I'm meeting my doctor! So the weight monitoring begins;) always fun.

#recovery #Eatingdisorder #Treatment #Mentalillness #Mentaldisorder #Anorexia #Bulimia #Family