Thankful for the support even if I'm not searching for it.

So here's the truth. I'm having a hard time. On Sunday evening I was so angry at myself because on Sunday me, my mom and my friend went to lunch and I--god forbid, didn't order off of the low calorie menu. I had two poached eggs. Three tomato slices. A slice of bread. A pancake. And strawberries. That's all I ate the whole day. And I hated myself for it. Later that night I was in my bed to myself, "stupid bitch you're fat. You didn't order off the skinny menu." So this led to the rest of the day's being bad. I had my "nutrition" through drinking. And I walked, a lot. I drank ensures, hot coco, lattes, and went to juiceries. Come Tuesday I couldn't get up the stairs of Downtown Crossing and South Station when trying to get to work. My manager noticed, he told me it was okay if I needed to go home. Because I was noticeably not okay. So I left, but I didn't go home. I ran errands. I went and got headphones cause mine had broken, I bought my lizard more light bulbs and other necessities for him. And I walked, I continued to walk. When I finally got home, I was in my kitchen standing one moment, then on the ground the next. Having my room mate take me to the hospital. "Your electrolytes, glucose, and potassium are incredibly low." They had to tube me. I was angry, so many calories and they wanted to do an overnight feed and to monitor me! I had work the next day. Which turns out. I couldn't go to anyways because my manager didn't think it would be a good idea for my health. Hm wonder why. I'm scared to go get weighed on Thursday because I know I have lost a good amount since last week and my nutritionist knows I have been struggling, and I am really having a hard time with my goals. I meet with her on Friday, god knows  how that's gonna go. I am thankful for everyone being so kind and supportive though, especially my work making accommodations for me even if I'm not directly asking for help.

*if you have questions or are worried please contact me. Do not text or contact my mother. Please and thank you.*

#recovery #Treatment #Struggle #Depression #Eatingdisorder #Anorexia #Bulimia #Feedingtube