Rough
I'm beginning to become very frustrated and very.... hopeless I suppose. I was off a bit off for work and returned yesterday, and that was good to be back and working. But overall things just haven't been feeling great. After work yesterday a sense of dread just fell over me like no other and I was walking alone in harvard square and I seriously just wanted to walk into my previous facility and fall onto the floor and cry. I don't think I've made any progress while I've been here and I feel like Recovery is just non existent. I'm tired and it's too much...I guess like a body can't stand an eating disorder mine can't stand the time I've been spending trying to recover. Right now my life is fine, I'm financially okay and that's all I need right now. I just need to be able to pay the bills and keep my job, and thus far I have. I have lived off some type of liquid diet for the past two days, mainly juices and smoothies and protein shakes. I threw out all my high calorie foods last night and I'm debating just not seeing my nutritionist anymore, I feel as if I'm wasting money on a lost cause. And there are no more residential centers or other resources for me really left that insurance would cover so I'm a bit trapped. The hardest week for someone with an eating disorder is also coming up! Thanksgiving. Gonna be great.